Thursday, July 21, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Intermission
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Family - Homestay #2
The second family I lived with had a much more concrete connection to my school. My coteacher and new host mom went to school together at Gyeongsang National University in Jinju. Both were in the same English program and both took post-grad jobs in Jinju as English teachers. I was excited about the prospect of speaking more English in the home and forming a stronger bond with my family as a result. My host mom was married with one child – an 8-year old daughter.
The apartment we lived in was more modest than my first and my new room no bigger than a small walk-in closet. I made it work by folding my clothes and stacking them on shelves like books. The room was cozy and I immediately felt more comfortable than I did during the previous five months. The apartment had a great view of the Nam River with running/biking trails lining the sides. Overall, it was a welcome and seemingly positive switch.
Both parents worked long hours at their respective jobs and I was often home with my host sister and grandmother in the early evenings after school. When I could, I made an effort to hang around Jinju on the weekends to spend time with the entire family. I was beginning to feel accepted and included in a family on a level that was unfamiliar to me since moving to Korea. In hindsight, I should have realized that things couldn’t stay perfect forever…
The situation began to deteriorate when I realized how damaged the marriage between my host mother and father really was. It was obvious that my host father paid very little attention to his daughter and wife. During a couple of awkward conversations with my host mom, it became clear that he was uninvolved, deeply troubled and threatened by my presence. With this new outlook on the internal dynamics of the family, my experience there became increasingly more uncomfortable.
Without diving into details, let’s just say that my time with this family ended painfully and abruptly. My host father came to realize that the homestay experience was not what he expected and he asked me to leave. Without knowing where I’d be able to sink my roots into next, I packed up and left at the beginning of June.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Family - Homestay #1
As part of the Fulbright program's requirements, first year teachers are required to live with a Korean family as part of our cultural immersion. What they didn’t tell me is that it doesn’t always work out…
I’m kidding – of course they told me. Not in so many words, but I was fully aware that living with a Korean family would be a challenge. The homestay is one of the most delicate and sensitive aspects of the Fulbright Korea program but for many, it can provide the kind of lasting memories that are impossible to make during any other part of the grant year. I have friends who bonded with their host families in ways that biological families would be jealous of. My experience with Korean families was a little bit different.
I had no idea what to expect as I rode in the car with my coteacher and his family to my first apartment. During my first Korean dinner with the English teachers from my school, I asked how this family was chosen to be my homestay. I knew that I was the fourth Fulbright teacher to work at my school so I assumed they had this part of the process down to a science. However, I was unable to extract a firm response about their methods of choice.
When I showed up, the family was nice enough. Father, mother, daughter and son. It was obvious that their English ability was limited and they were clearly nervous about me. The invited me in for fruit and we made some awkward small-talk before I began to unpack.
It was difficult to get a read on the family in the first couple of weeks. The father was rarely at home and both kids were often wrapped up in their studies. I would come home from school most days around 5:30 or 6, eat dinner, and retire to my room to do my own thing. It became clear after a few weeks that this was everyone’s routine. Both kids were busy with schoolwork and additional responsibilities from their academies while mom was an active member in her local church. Rather than incorporating myself into the fabric of the family, I found myself becoming more and more isolated.
This is not to say that everyone didn’t make some kind of effort. I became fairly close with my host brother – he loved soccer, was interested in traveling and we played badminton together when the weather was nice. My host sister had a strong work ethic and it was clear she was studying English extra hard in order to be able to communicate with me. I played soccer many Sunday mornings with my host dad – these turned out to be some of the best memories of my time there.
My living space was nice enough. I had plenty of room for my things and a nice view of the apartment’s courtyard and the university across the street. As fall turned to winter, I found myself spending a lot of time alone in my room and the disconnect I felt with my family was becoming clearer and clearer. Once they decided to move across town during my winter vacation, the decision to change homestays was an easy one.